Metaphysical Masturbation?

This just in from wsbtv.com, local news station for Gwinnett County, Georgia
(http://www.wsbtv.com/news/14729779/detail.html):

"Elijah Canady and Kelley Kirkley want you to know their home is wholesome and their cable is not kinky, even though nearly a dozen pornographic movie titles were on their cable bill. This was part of an unexplained recent rise in unwarranted charges to numerous cable subscribers in the Georgia area.
Canady said they did not order any of the movies.

'It’s only me and her,' said Elijah Canady. 'There’s no kids, there’s no dog, there’s no ghost that’s wanting to watch this type of stuff.'"

Hmmm. Interesting. Methinks the man of the house protests too much. His reasoning went from himself and his wife to children, to house pets, to... (cough) ghosts!

Of course! Logical progression! If I didn't order "The Golden CumpAss," it must have been the work of the Undead!

Now I picture a horny old ghost (played by the late Ray Walston or Don Knotts) touching his metaphysical self while watching "Stick it in my Rear Window."

I blame that sexy Patrick Swayze and his questionable pottery-making methods.

Would ghosts really NEED to watch cable porn in Gwinnett County, Georgia? Wouldn't they have much better smut in the Afterlife? Like watching a three-way with Joan of Arc, George Burns and Tupac?!