"Hello, Mrs. Gloria Snarfblatt? I am Mr. Oglethorpe. I teach your son Julian at Westcherry Academy."
"Oh, hello. And how is my little Julian doing?"
"Well, I must ask you Mrs. Snarfblatt... did He pull out?
"... What?"
"I'm sorry, allow me to elaborate. What I mean is... When Lucifer, the Dark Prince, was mounting you from behind (Cerebus-style, as He would put it), I am assuming He was not wearing a Christ Condom with holy water as spermicidal lube; rather, as He was mounting you and was about to climax, did He pull out? Did He extract His throbbing, flaming, three-headed, pitchfork-shaped cock from your nether regions and then deposit a healthy dose of Satanic splooge on your lower back, causing your 3rd degree burns as His unholy jizm sizzled on your flesh? Is that how it happened? Because there is no other rational explanation for your child, who --I am convinced-- is the spawn of Satan! So, allow me to ask again: Did He pull out?"
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