Go Diego, Go!

At the doctor's office, when not keeping up with current events through "People" magazine (Jake Gyllenhaal wears baseball hats and drinks coffee!) I read children's literature. Time for a book review:

"Go, Diego! Go!: Diego's Sea Turtle Adventure!"
FYI, Diego is the puckish, Spanish lad who chills with Dora the Explorer.
Here is the tagline for the book: "Will Diego find Luis in time to safely bring him back to his reef?"

"Who is Luis?" I hear you hypothetically asking yourself.
Idiot! Luis is a Hawksbill sea turtle!
Duh!
"But Aaron," you insist, "Isn't Luis a Leatherback sea turtle?
No, Retard! Hawksbill sea turtles have brown-yellow shells with pointy beaks and Leatherback sea turtles have black and white shells and blunt beaks. Is there any limit to your stupidity?
Thank you, Diego. Thank you.

I should've guessed that I wouldn't identify with this book. Here is the first sentence:
"Help! Help! Ayudenme!" Diego heard as his hang glider sailed over the rainforest canopy."

Finally, a kids' book I can relate to! I try to use numerous Spanish interjections while sailing over rainforest canopies in my hang glider!
Ay dios mio!