Drugs and Kisses

I am too lazy to be a drug user.
Alcohol is the drug for the lazy man-- it's accessible and it's legal, but most importantly it's easy to use. All you need are opposable thumbs to unscrew the cap. Then ingest.

I could never use heroin because it's too much like cooking.
I can't even microwave a slice of pizza without burning the roof of my mouth on the cheese.
How the heck am I supposed to handle a lighter and a crooked spoon simultaneously, then use a needle and tie a belt simultaneously?!

Jesus, this is a team-sport drug.

Say what you will about hard drug users, they have their work cut out for them. If anyone can multi-task, it's them!
That must be why so many rock stars meet their demise from hard drugs: guitar strumming uses two hands, just like rolling a joint or shooting up heroin-- Jimi Hendrix, Dee Dee Ramone, Hank Williams, Kurt Cobain.
But people write with one hand, and you only need one hand to hold a drink, that's why writers become alcoholics-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemigway, Jack Kerouac, John Steinbeck, Dylan Thomas.

You know who never smoked so much as one cigarette in her life?
Rosie O'Donnell.
But you should avoid drugs anyway.

And if you avoid drugs and booze you'll save money, and any "musician" or "writer" needs all the money they can get.