"Bad-Ass Grandpa" Rap

Penned by yours truly and Zack:

I'm gonna school y'all- class is in session
My old ass lived through the Great Depression.

I'm not from the 'hood and I may not be black
I'm from Plainview, Long Island, and a nice cul-de-sac.

I dig Beyonce and her sexy curlz
And I love that Blanche from the Golden Girls.

I like P-Diddy, and also Matlock

My back is stiffer than my shriveled old--

Grandpa Grandpa! Whadday say?

I'm so old I might die today!

I'm a badass grandpa- and I'm on health care,
If you like Metamucil wave your cane in the air.

My hearing is bad and my testicles sag.
I traded my .45 for a colostomy bag.

I like my bitches down and dirty,
I like my dinner at about four-thirty.

I got mad skills
And I take mad pills
Don't make me trip
Cause I'll break my damn hip!

(Whataya mean I ain't hip?)

I like Jay-Z and half-sour pickles.
For your birthday I'll give you a handful of nickels.
(In my day a nickel was a lot of money )

I can still bust a rhyme, even though I'm old
I got false teeth, but they're all gold.

Prune juice (damn!)! That's some mighty fine stuff.
I complain cause me kids don't call me enough.

It's a wheelchair (What?) – not a joint I'm rollin'
I got diverticulitis in my over-sized colon.

I wear an I.D. bracelet and not a gold watch
You can suck my dick while I suck a butterscotch

Pop a cap in my ass, if you think you're a sniper,
That bullet's gotta get past my a-dult diaper.

What- speak up! Don't raise your voice to me

I get jiggy then I have a warm cup of tea.

To the players in this piece , y'all better beware

I just put rims on my pimp wheel chair.

I'm a bad ass grandpa, I'm nobody's fool

Stand back and watch as I kick it old school!